The 12 tenets of Kifflom:
- The world is 157 years old
- Dinosaurs are a lie that people believe because they are weak
- You are happy, you just don’t know it
- We all come from the same tree
- Everyone is related to everyone else, except for people with red hair
- Sperm does not exist - it is a lie spread by biology teachers - along with everything else you have ever been told
- Men are supposed to lie with nine new partners a week. Women are supposed to lie with six, except for in July, when they must lie with five men a day
- Aliens exist and are present on earth. If you have a birth mark, you may be descended from Kraff, the famous Emperor of the 4th Paradigm
- Trees talk, but only some people hear them
- People who believe in something live much longer than atheists, and they have eternal life thrown in for good measure
- If you believe this and turn you hands and wallet over to EPSILONISM, you’ll live a happy life. Otherwise you are doomed
- KIFFLOM - HAPPINESS IS YOURS! KIFFLOM!
If you didn't know this, maybe you should read the Epsilon Tract.